Waiter Rant

By Cathie Beck, Special to the Rocky

Published July 24, 2008 at 7 p.m.

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Waiter Rant

* Nonfiction. By "The Waiter" (Anonymous). Ecco/HarperCollins, $24.95. Grade: A-

Book in a nutshell: A really smart guy (and former seminarian) becomes a New York City waiter. With no creative outlet, Smart Guy - "The Waiter" - takes to the Internet in the wee hours o' the morning. The result is Waiter Rant, a blog-turned-book chock- full of the dippy and delicious events that waiters everywhere endure.

Waiter Rant takes readers into the hearts, minds and souls of those who live on their feet 12 to 20 hours a day, "taking it" from the public - most of whom feel entitled, for the cost of an entree, to commandeer, berate and even belittle those who rely mostly on tips to live.

Best tidbit: It's hard to choose just one. The anonymous author, liberated from backlash and/or libel suits, dishes on everyone, including himself.

In a chapter called, Vengeance is Mine, he writes of an abusive patron who insisted the waiter was stupid after she'd sent him back to get her coffee "hot" three times. Bringing her the requested decaf the first three trips, he now goes on the offensive:

"I . . . refill the lady's cup with regular . . . I brew a strong espresso and dump it in . . . I place it in the oven . . . at 400 degrees, I take the cup out with a pair of tongs . . . I bring the bubbling cauldron to the ill-mannered woman's table . . . I walk away."

"Ouch," she yelps. "It burns!"

"Vengeance is mine, saith the waiter."

Pros: All topics are intimately examined - tipping, sanitation (read: cockroaches, mice, rats), celebrities, the politically charged immigrant issue, hours, personalities and motivations of various restaurant staff members - and the humanness behind each of the participants' plights.

Cons: The book ever so slightly trips in two areas: structure and detail. It's sometimes obvious that this work was originally a blog that needed serious molding to become a book. And the author occasionally stays on one topic (such as tipping) for far too long.

Final word: Those who've eaten at or worked at a restaurant - in other words, most readers - will never look at a waiter the same way again.

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